The excessive geographic spread of major cities has long been a problem in Australia. Newly-established residential areas face issues like the cost and shortage of infrastructure and services, including public transport. There are also resource-use problems such as the loss of ecologically significant areas and of productive agricultural land.
Both of Australia’s major conurbations provide a few more opportunities for reasonably priced homes in their western suburbs than in other parts. Those who choose these options have to deal with the commuting motorist’s syndrome: you travel to work by car into the sunrise and travel home after work into the sunset.
My (slightly poetic) interest in these phenomena was recently piqued by a brief trip to Melbourne which had me overnighting in a western suburb apparently unknown to some of the otherwise helpful VicRail staff at Flinders Street while, at the same time, a couple I love very dearly are considering a move that might offer the attraction of a home with a third bedroom.
What began as a piece of doggerel kept in mind through the earworm ‘The last train to Werribee’ somehow became a sad reminder to people thinking of ‘moving further out’ to take every care with their decision.
It may be fruitless to hope that the publication of this piece might also contribute to a wider understanding of the social and ethical obligations of those in both government and private sectors who are in the housing industry.
Please note: Those parties should understand that I have sought indemnity against the possibility that this piece has the effect of reducing house prices in the outer suburbs.
Next stop after Altona
The last train to Werribee goes at ten-to-nine at night.
Will I see the kids at bedtime? With any luck I might.
From Werribee to Flinders Street it isn't very far
But you'll have to leave home early if you haven't got a car.
The station staff at Flinders Street know nothing of Westona;
More central sites are hard to find for hopeful first home-owners.
Our mortgage was six hundred thou.; but little did we know
That soon they would all rise again: they couldn't stay that lowe.
The last train to Werribee
Goes at ten-to-nine at night.
Will I see the kids at bedtime?
Can the price I paid be right?
I'm lucky that my modest block is serviced by VicRail -
But from the city after work the train's of no avail.
The next stop from Altona's where Westona can be found -
A place whose major industry's still chem-ically bound.
Toyota cars were built right here 'til twenty-seventeen.
And other heavy industries regarded as unclean.
With less regard to tyres and oils, and plastics of all kind,
Our table talk at dinner was a little more refined.
The last train to Werribee
Goes at ten-to-nine at night.
Will the kids have a certain future?
Can the price we paid be right?
At last the weekend comes around; the kids are up 'til 10.
I spend some time among their toys and pack them up again.
But it's not enough for both of us: their mother tries so hard
But finds too little freedom in a small suburban yard.
I'm on the last train to Werribee; numb is how I feel,
With a carry-bag of groceries to make an evening meal.
Will I see the kids at bedtime? No, they're with their mum instead
So no one's home to play with me or share the double bed.
Our budget made us move out here though never truly poor;
But the effect on our relationship surprised us, that's for sure.
The distance is what ruined it, we knew that time would tell
And the last train to Werribee has played a part as well.
We knew the stress would challenge us
As father and as mother,
But never did we think to swap
One good-buy for another.
Above and Below: Altona beach, VictoriaEarly morning cityscape of Melbourne across Port Phillip Bay
Novello N1 A pee Relief Brick Goodness’ sake A pee Nerve Brick Lope Oranges A pee Goodness’ sake Two N1 Novello Ralston!
A – Gardner
Ava Gardner, 1922-1990.
B – Mutton
C – Highlanders
Seaforth Highlanders, a line infantry regiment of the British Army.
D – bulldozer
A D4.
E – Brick
F – Vescence
G – Staff
Chief of Staff.
H – N1
H4N1.
I – Novello
Ivor Novello, 1893-1951.
J – Oranges
K -Teria
L – Leather
M – Sis
N – Lope
O – a Pee
P – Relief
Q – Tickets
R – Mo
S – Ralston
Esther Ralston, 1902-1994.
T – Two
U – Nerve
V – La France
W – Quits
X – Mation
“exformation: those unsaid, sometimes taboo and very large areas of knowledge that exist but are not present in fact” (Tor Nørretranders, The User Illusion, 1998).
Here is a quiz for anyone to try, featuring puns and homophones – and with prizes to be won.
Most of us are familiar with children’s alphabet books of the “A for Apple, B for Bed, C for Cat” kind.
Then there are adult versions, such as the sailor’s alphabet. Fairport Convention’s version includes some items familiar only to those who have experienced life under sail. They include Davits, Eyebolts, the Knighthead and Vangs.
Since I was a child I have carried with me the fragments of what might be called a humorous word-play alphabet. Where it came from is a mystery. I long assumed that it came from my father who was not a great wordsmith but was not averse to a joke at the dinner table. But my older brothers report no such memories of our father. In fact they claim to have no recollection of such an alphabet at all. Perhaps it came from some music hall act or a book I read.
Let’s call it the Word-Play alphabet. I will give you three of the elements to illustrate the nature of its contents. Then you can see how many of the full set of 26 you can get. I have created some ‘new’ elements to fill the gaps in the version that has long been lurking in my recall. In guessing the answers it will help if you remember that, whatever its unremembered source, some of the content reflects people or events that were contemporary in the 1950s (ie are now dated).
Examples from the Word-Play alphabet:
A for Gardner.
C for Highlanders.
I for Novello.
Explication of examples:
Ava Gardner was a screen actor and singer. She signed with Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer in 1941. Active 1941-1986. Died 1990. Spouse: Mickey Rooney.
The Seaforth Highlanders was a famous line infantry regiment of the British Army, mainly associated with large areas of the northern Highlands of Scotland.
Ivor Novello, 1893-1951, was a Welsh composer and actor who became one of the most popular British entertainers of the first half of the 20th century
_______________________________________________
Your name: ______________________________ Record your answers on this page and email it to me. Respondents with the highest score will receive free access to my blog.
The full Word Play alphabet will be published in a separate document posted to this site.
There are no ‘correct’ answers. Answers which match the list to be published plus any others that are amusing and meet the spirit of the quiz will all score a point.
Citizens of the Great Southern Land are bracing themselves for the re-opening of their Nation following the devastation visited upon it by the Covid-19 pandemic. The reopening takes place as substantial reconstruction continues.
Domestic architects, builders and planners have expressed disappointment that, as happened the first time round 120 years ago, development is progressing unevenly across the Nation. Eight different construction companies have been engaged, with the only thing they have in common being the requirement that staff are fully masked.
Surprisingly, the rebuilding in train is subject to no Nationwide planning controls. The result will be an entity comprised of eight villages of diverse architectural styles, with less coherence than would have been possible with some centralised leadership.
It is, admittedly, difficult to fashion a Nation in a coherent style from a number of separate villages if their starting points are quite different. This is the case in the Great Southern Land, where the extent of the devastation caused by the pandemic varies widely between villages.
Coherence is also harder to achieve when each of the elected Village Heads has ambitions for their own jurisdiction. This leads naturally to competition between the eight.
At its most extreme, this competition can result in some Heads actively working for diversity rather than for Nationwide uniformity or at least coherence. This means that many of the toughest future challenges of governance will again be focused on the relationship between the parts of the Nation rather than on the opportunities provided to a coherent whole.
Initially it was assumed that a Nationwide approach would be brought to the rebuild by National Cabinet. The authority of this secret new body appeared for some time to furnish significant Nationwide power to the Great Southern Land’s Chief Planning Officer (CPO). In July and August 2021, when it was clear that a New-normal would have to be built, some Nationwide building standards were mooted by the CPO. He issued guidelines which would have seen each village rebuilding in parallel timelines. There were to be two criteria to be met by each construction company, one a Nationwide standard, the other relating to each separate village. In what was described as a two-key process, both criteria were to be measured against the Magic Numbers 70 and 80.
However from the beginning of the rebuild there was differential take-up of the guidelines by the various construction companies. There was also uncertainty about the means by which measurement against the Magic Numbers was to be effected. As a result, for all practical purposes those guidelines became nothing more than historical artefacts of governance.
It became clear that neither the CPO nor his Deputies had sufficient competence or interest in the matter to exercise the leverage that was available to them. There will need to be significant climate change for this situation to be improved.
In the largest village the footings of the new edifice were completed some time ago, and the second storey is already taking shape. Some of the Village’s swamps remain undrained but good use has been made of the higher ground which it is assumed will be free from flooding.
Unfortunately the reconstruction of this Village is now subject to some uncertainty due to a sudden change in its senior management. Under the previous regime there had been an unsustainable pace of construction resulting in occasional design changes being made on the run. This meant planners, builders and suppliers experienced some frustration. Despite this its rebuild continued to out-pace that of other villages.
Completion of the re-build and decisions about the re-opening of this major Village will fall to the new management. Other Village Heads will have the advantage of learning from its experiences, including with respect to outdoor swimming and picnics.
Less enthusiasm for a rapid early opening has been demonstrated to its South and North.
For some time it seemed likely that the village in the South would be Victorious in the competition for the gold standard. But very recently the ground suddenly moved, which delta blow to the Village’s prospects for donuts, resulting in more devastation than had been anticipated.
The ground is shifting
Given this newly-demonstrated instability, the building standards there are more restrictive than in the largest Village. This has been unacceptable to a very small number of people who have memorably demonstrated their dissatisfaction. Fortunately the vast majority of the Villagers recognise the need for caution to protect the benefits from the resilience they have shown.
The lack of Nationwide leadership has been exhibited by the CPO’s Deputies as well as by himself. One example concerns Rapid Antigen Testing (RAT), which has been used by people in the UK for over a year, with self-administered test results being provided to a centralised online database for analysis and record-keeping. After a long time, presumably due to an abundance of caution, the Regulator of Such Things has approved the use of RATs in the Great Southern Land. Rather than having himself lead energised Nationwide work to roll out RATs, the CPO’s Health Deputy has asked each village to consider their greater use. This is yet another missed national leadership opportunity.
The CPO has enlisted the support of the Defence Force in the Covid-19 work. Generally speaking its role has been to repeat encouragement about the need for people to get vaccinated and promises of a coming abundance of vaccine supply.
Nationwide leadership and energy in the rebuild have to date been very disappointing. But there are many important tasks going forward in the post-Covid rebuild which will benefit from Nationwide leadership. They include the following.
One – further and ongoing analysis of the Magic Numbers 70 and 80. Planners and engineers need to carry out stress tests and make sure that, despite the variety of building styles, all construction results in villages that are safe and draughty.
Two – confirm that there is no national building standard, that villages are free to build to their own standards and in their own timeframe. Initiate spot-checks to ensure the designs adopted are safe for all citizens and suit the circumstances of each village. Windows must be able to be opened.
Three – manage travel bubbles from the Nation to and from other parts of the world.
Four – lead work to repatriate citizens stuck overseas.
Five – work to ensure the availability of leak-proof quarantine facilities.
Six – work to facilitate global vaccine equity.
Seven – fund scientific endeavours to produce new vaccines and develop improved ways to manage viruses and viral infections.
Eight – fund and oversee systems for providing financial support to those people and firms adversely affected by the devastation.
Simply pressuring Village Heads to open their borders is not leadership. The Village to the NorthEast is being unfairly pressurised merely because it has the misfortune to be contiguous to the largest Village. Many of those who wish to cross the border into the NorthEast should not be leaving their homes under their own Village’s regulations anyway.
Decisions about opening the rebuilt Nation must still hinge on the balance between safety for the villagers and economic activity. The CPO should move to re-assert their nationwide authority and work for a high degree of National coherence despite the existence of different architectural styles, varying amounts of devastation and speeds of rebuilding.
Leadership out of the turmoil is particularly important at a time when many interest groups are favouring economic activity simply because of the passing of time, rather than because the weights in the balance between wealth and health have changed.
Since Covid squelched along I’ve been zooming with my brothers’ families in the UK. (‘Every cloud – etc.’) During our most recent get-together David, the oldest and wisest of the four of us, informed me that by promoting the propagation of Schizanthus pinnatus, on account of its prettiness and resilience, I might be exposing myself to potential financial and reputational loss. Put simply, Schizanthus pinnatus is poisonous.
I am therefore writing to inform readers, and those who may be influenced by them (including, especially, minors), of the potential dangers inherent in eating large quantities of the seeds of said pretty flower. My intention is, by these means, to indemnify myself against any legal proceedings, real or imagined, the purpose of which is to have the plaintiff(s) benefit materially at my expense based on any of their action related to the growing or propagation of poor man’s orchid.
Schizanthus pinnatus (the botanical name), known colloquially as butterfly flower, fringe flower and poor man’s orchid, is a genus of plants in the nightshade family, solanaceae. It belongs to the subfamily schizanthoideae.
The name schizanthus is from two Greek words meaning ‘divided flower’. The flower head resembles an orchid, a good specimen having quite an exotic appearance. It originates from Chile, where perhaps it is known colloquially as orquídea del pobre or la flor de la mariposa.
In Chile
The botanical family solanaceae is one of humankind’s most utilized and important food plants. Its members include herbaceous plants, shrubs, trees and vines that grow in temperate to tropical regions. It includes the potato, tomato, all peppers, ground cherries (tomatillo) and eggplant. Solanaceae is also known as the potato or deadly nightshade family.
As well as those foods it includes a suite of deadly toxic plants including belladonna, mandrake, henbane, tobacco, deadly nightshade and Jimson weed.
Jimson weed (known in Orbost and Bacchus Marsh in the State of Victoria as thorn apple) is datura stramonium. It has been used and abused in any number of ways, including smoking of the leaves, eating the seeds, boiling in a stew, or even by soaking in a bathtub filled with the plants. All methods are extremely dangerous as every part of the plant is poisonous and potentially deadly.
The seeds of Jimson weed are long-lived, with one experiment showing 91 per cent of seeds surviving 39 years after burial. (This may be the inspiration for the t-shirt with, on its front, “I’ve got my stuff together, Man -” and, on the back: “- if only I knew where I put it”.)
Several plants in the solanaceae family are rich in potent psychoactive toxic compounds referred to as tropane alkaloids. These compounds include nicotine, solanine, capsaicin, cocaine, atropine, scopolamine and hyoscyamine. These are chemicals that have been used as healing drugs in small doses; misunderstood or abused as addictive drugs; and employed as pesticides and warfare agents (e.g., sarin) when utilized in toxic doses.
Some pharmaceutical ingredients containing tropane moiety.
Tropane alkaloids are useful as parasympatholytics that competitively antagonize acetylcholine. The bicyclic ring of tropane moiety forms the base of these alkaloids, and the largest number of tropane alkaloids is substituted on the atom C-3 of the tropane ring in the form of ester derivatives. [Synthesis of Tropane Derivatives, Open access peer-reviewed chapter, Abdulmajeed Salih Hamad Alsamarrai, Nov. 2019.]
Toxicity from plants containing tropane alkaloids manifests as classic anticholinergic poisoning. Symptoms usually occur 30-60 minutes after ingestion and may continue for 24-48 hours because of delayed gastric emptying and absorption.
But I digress.
Given the litigiousness of parts of the present human population, I hereby note and declare that, as if by magic, this post on my blogg and on Facebook ensures that I am indemnified against any person who, having seen my recent post about buying $2-00 worth of poor man’s orchid from Bunnings, claims to have been incentivised by said post and its accompanying nice picture to smoke the leaves, eat the seeds either directly or in a stew, or soak in a bathtub full of that plant.
Signed and dated by and on behalf of: Gordon Gregory.
One of the aspects of the Covid-19 pandemic which will certainly be the subject of inquiry in Australia once things have settled down is why Victoria has had more lockdowns and cases than the other States. And it’s not the first time Victoria has been in this position. How McDougall Topped the Score, written by Thomas E. Spencer, has been re-made and is shown below. It will remind readers of the Swine Flu epidemic of 2009 in which Victoria also set some records.
(Note: I posted a version of the poem, but not the COVID comments, on 9 March but given what is happening in Victoria it deserves another go. I look forward to the time when it is no longer relevant.)
At the time of writing (29 May 2021) there have been 30,073 cases of COVID-19 in Australia, 20,580 of which have been in Victoria. Of the 910 deaths recorded, 820 have been Victorians.
This represents an extraordinary imbalance between States.
A number of possible explanations for the disparity have been canvassed.
One is that the different structure of public health services in Victoria as distinct from, say, New South Wales has resulted in greater effectiveness in the latter. It may be that the pre-existing New South Wales system was more compatible with what was needed for effective contact tracing. New South Wales has decentralised Local Area Health Districts with public health teams embedded in local communities. These teams work independently while being guided by New South Wales Health centrally.
Catherine Bennett, Chair in Epidemiology at Deakin University and a key contributor to public understanding and debate, wrote in The Conversation in October 2020:
“NSW’s system of devolved public health units and teams meant when local outbreaks occurred, locally embedded health workers were at an advantage. They’re already linked with local area health providers for testing, they already have relationships with community members and community leaders, and they know the physical layout of the area.”
“What’s crucial is a nuanced understanding of local, social, and cultural factors that may facilitate spread or affect how people understand self-isolation and what’s being asked of them. It can also make a critical difference in encouraging people to come forward for testing.”
“If local health workers and contact tracers are already part of a community, they can bring that expert knowledge into the mix; they can make sure public health messaging is meaningful for local communities.”
In contrast to the situation in NSW, Victoria has a public health system which is highly centralised, meaning there was a smaller base upon which to build a surge contact tracing capacity. The fact that some help was provided to Victoria from interstate staff and defence force personnel may be seen as evidence on the matter.
The different capacity of these two State systems may also be due to their recent history of funding relative to need. On the other side of the ledger is the fact that a centralised system may be better able to handle large quantities of data.
Another possible cause of the inter-State disparity is the difference in the structure of residential aged care. Of the 910 deaths recorded nationally, 685 have been in residential aged care facilities. And 655 of these have been in Victoria.
Compared with NSW, Victoria’s residential aged care system has a larger proportion of private for-profit businesses, which may have put profit before service. In Victoria 54% of residential aged care places are in the private, for-profit sector (including both family-owned and public companies) compared with 35% in NSW. In contrast, 37% of Victoria’s aged care places are in the not-for-profit sector (including religious, charitable and community-based organisations), compared with 63% in NSW. Much more evidence would be needed to conclude that the profit motive is at the heart of the difference between the two States.
One of the reasons why Australia has done so well in response to the pandemic is that we have been regularly and expertly provided with scientific evidence. This has contributed to the high level of compliance in Australia with the steps that have been necessary.
In my view, two expert commentators have stood out. Norman Swan has been tremendously busy including with the ABC’s daily Coronavirus podcast. Norman came to the business of COVID with an existing good reputation as a well-credentialed scientist and is a very experienced communicator. Another expert who has worked tirelessly and presented with great clarity, dignity and modesty is Mary-Louise McLaws, Professor of Epidemiology at the University of New South Wales.
On ABC’s weekend breakfast TV show today, when asked for her views on why Victoria has suffered more than the other jurisdictions, Mary-Louise said that Melbourne is a very close-knit community. It is a city that’s easy to get around, she said, so sadly it is easy for a virus to spread. Melbourne is the city of most concern in Australia for explosions of case numbers.
This means that enquiries into Australia’s COVID experience will need to include cultural, logistical, demographic, economic and sociological factors.
History repeating itself?
This is not the first time Victoria has stood out as the worst affected part of Australia in an epidemic. On 8 June 2009 The Australian newspaper informed its readers that, at that time, the State of Victoria had the highest recorded per capita rate of H1N1 Influenza 2 (Human Swine flu) in the world. It had the fourth highest number of infections worldwide after the US, Mexico and Canada, but the highest per capita load.
Victoria was being blamed for exporting the virus around Australia.
Eventually the official record showed 37,537 cases in Australia and 191 deaths associated with Swine Flu were reported by the Department of Health. The actual numbers were probably much larger as only serious cases warranted being tested and treated. Sources say that as many as 1600 Australians may actually have died.
How McDougall Topped the Score, written by Thomas E. Spencer, was first published in The Bulletin in March 1898. The cricketing cred. of the poem was enhanced when a piece entitled The Prerogative of Piper’s Flat was given as an encore to the McDougall poem at a public reception for the great, the elegant Victor Trumper in Sydney Town Hall on 19 December 1903.
In June 2009 I wrote a companion piece to Spencer’s, based on the facts as reported in the Australian. So much of the content of the piece seems relevant today that I am bold enough to hope you will get something out of it.
Reminders
Given the time that has elapsed since June 2009 some further background will be useful for those who read the piece. On 23 May the Federal Government classified the Swine Flu outbreak as being in the CONTAIN phase. Victoria was escalated to the SUSTAIN phase on 3 June. This gave government authorities permission to close schools to slow the spread of the disease. On 17 June 2009 the Department of Health and Ageing introduced a new phase called PROTECT. This modified the response to focus on people with high risk of complications from the disease.
At the time Australia had a stockpile of 8.7 million doses of Tamiflu and Relenza. A large scale immunization effort against swine flu started on Monday 28 September 2009. By then Victoria had 2,440 cases and 24 deaths. The Victorian health authorities closed Clifton Hill Primary School for two days (sic) on 21 May (shock, horror).
Tamiflu was a Roche product, Relenza a GSK product. (In 2014 researchers threw doubt on the effectiveness of Tamiflu and thus on the value of governments stockpiling it.) In June 2009 the Minister for Health was Nicola Roxon, Member for Gellibrand, an inner-Melbourne electorate. Coincidentally, in 2015 Tadryn bought a house in Footscray, within spitting distance of Whitten Oval. As well as describing folks from Mexico, the term ‘Mexicans’ is used by people from States to the north to refer to people from Victoria. Australia’s Chief Medical Officer in 2009 was Jim Bishop.
How Victoria Topped the Score
A peaceful spot is Gellibrand – and many local folk
Exist by work in railways, and paper, tyres and rope
The views to sea are legend and the people, quite untaught –
Lean naturally to leftwards, as portside people ought
Still the climate is erratic as the natives always knew
And the winters damp and gusty bring on frequent bouts of flu
But the locals now are Tami-rous as never were before
As H1N1 gets around – and Victoria tops the score.
It’s 90 square kilometres right to Port Philip Bay
Embracing Whitten Oval where the Bulldogs hone their play
Includes Altona Meadows where the views are simply grand
And other lovely places now warehousing used to stand
From Spotswood through to Tottenham employment, once serene,
Depends on heavy industry, petrochemical, marine
The local folks are very proud, be they so rich or poor
But they all might be affected as Victoria tops the score.
It’s Inner Metropolitan (GPs’ incentives: nil –
For the local branch of the AMA this is a bitter pill)
So when a virus came along – exclusion was in vain –
The local health care services got ready for the strain.
Local people everywhere did all that they were asked
And courses sprang up all around on kissing through a mask
A local hero came along: Gellibrander to the core
Who meant to keep the lid on it – tho’ Victoria topped the score.
This hero was a lawyer and a trusted one at that
And in the middle order for young Kevin she would bat
She trained her loyal staffers how to listen and to scout
For useful tips, intelligence, whatever was about
And each succeeding night they worked ’til the light it was a blur
Sometimes our hero struck a thought, sometimes a thought struck her
’Til one day news from Mexico of which she’d hear much more
That swine flu was now all the rage – not too long from our shore.
The national plans were then rolled out – even Bishops were involved
Good health care teams and scientists all helped to have it solved
No stone was left un-x-rayed and surveillance was maintained
And people’s sensitivity was measured when de-planed
A hotline was established but it very soon was broke
And crackling then was all it gave to its inquiring folk
The public mind was set at ease, there sure was nothing more
And New South Wales got uppity, as Victoria topped the score.
Victoria’s reached a thousand and some medics now complain
Even tho’ officially it’s-on ‘modified sustain’
If children want to miss exams and have a full week off
They simply visit Gellibrand and then begin to cough
We all will do whate’er we can to try to keep the peace
We’ll quit the smokes and exercise ’gin morbidly obese
This gentle flu, still not a swine, in countries seventy four
And here it’s still Victoria that easy tops the score
This illness from the Mexicans is causing a to-do
And now is a pandemic if you credit you-know-WHO
But guided safely as we are from right the very top
We’re confident that this will pass, it’s likely soon to stop
So raise a glass – or a long pipette – to our Gellibrander boss
‘Cos even tho it’s not too strong it makes us all la-cross
And there may well be an upside – tho’ it’s touchy this to broach
For you won’t catch a cold at all just now if your shares are still with Roche
So let’s consign to history, make part of national lore
The time when, quite unwillingly, Victoria topped the score
To people of a poetic and keen imagination, Victoria’s experience to date with COVID-19 was pretty much anticipated in The Bulletin of 1898.
That was when the report of the cricket match between Piper’s Flat and Molongo, curated by Thomas E. Spencer, was published.
The game looked lost for Piper’s Flat until McDougall (“canny Scotsman”) and Pincher combined to turn things around. Brett Sutton – like McDougall – has played the innings of his life and Premier Andrews, just like Pincher, has steadfastly refused to drop the ball.
Standing as a modest link between these two momentous events is a piece entitled How Victoria Topped the Score which detailed the situation with Swine Flu that confronted the State in 2009.
To remind, the background is this. In June 2009 the Australian newspaper reported that Victoria had the fourth highest number of H1N1 Influenza (Human Swine Flu) infections worldwide after the US, Mexico and Canada, but the highest per capita load. It was being blamed for exporting the virus around Australia. Sound familiar?
Working at the time in the health field and seeing the value of a positive outlook in stressful situations, I took the liberty of re-framing Spencer’s piece around Victoria’s plight with H1N1.
Recollection of certain facts will help appreciate the 2009 piece. The Federal Minister for Health was Nicola Roxon, the Member for Gellibrand, an inner-Melbourne electorate. The Commonwealth Chief Medical Officer was Professor Jim Bishop. Tamiflu is a Roche product, Relenza a GSK product. In 2014 researchers threw doubt on the effectiveness of Tamiflu and thus of the value of governments stockpiling it. The swine flu epidemic originated in Mexico; and in inter-State veterans’ hockey the Victorians are known as Mexicans, being from South of the border.
And Wikipedia reports as follows:
“On 23 May 2009 the federal government classified the outbreak as CONTAIN phase except in Victoria where it was escalated to the SUSTAIN phase on 3 June. This gives government authorities permission to close schools to slow the spread of the disease. On 17 June 2009 the Department of Health and Ageing introduced a new phase called PROTECT. This modified the response to focus on people with high risk of complications from the disease. Australia has a stockpile of 8.7 million doses of Tamiflu and Relenza. A large scale immunization effort against swine flu started on Monday 28 September 2009. In Victoria there have been 2,440 cases, including 24 deaths. Victorian health authorities closed Clifton Hill Primary School for two days on 21 May.”
Today we are likely to be less horrified than before at the closure of a school for two days on public health grounds.
How Victoria Topped the Score
Gordon Gregory
(after Thomas E. Spencer)
15 June 2009
A peaceful spot is Gellibrand – and many local folk
Exist by work in railways, and paper, tyres and rope.
The views to sea are legend and the people, quite untaught –
Lean naturally to leftwards, as portside people ought.
Still the climate is erratic as the natives always knew
And the winters damp and gusty bring on frequent bouts of flu.
But the locals now are Tami-rous as never were before
As H1N1 gets around – and Victoria tops the score.
It’s 90 square kilometres right to Port Philip Bay
Embracing Whitten Oval where the Bulldogs hone their play;
Includes Altona Meadows where the views are simply grand
And other lovely places now warehousing used to stand.
From Spotswood through to Tottenham employment, once serene,
Depends on heavy industry, petrochemical, marine.
The local folks are very proud, be they so rich or poor
But they all might be affected as Victoria tops the score.
It’s Inner Metropolitan (GPs’ incentives: nil –
For the local branch of the AMA this is a bitter pill).
So when a virus came along – exclusion was in vain –
The local health care services got ready for the strain.
Local people everywhere did all that they were asked
And courses sprang up all around on kissing through a mask.
A local hero came along: Gellibrander to the core
Who meant to keep the lid on it – tho’ Victoria topped the score.
This hero was a lawyer and a trusted one at that
And in the middle order for young Kevin she would bat.
She trained her loyal staffers how to listen and to scout
For useful tips, intelligence, whatever was about;
And each succeeding night they worked ’til the light it was a blur
Sometimes our hero struck a thought, sometimes a thought struck her.
’Til one day news from Mexico of which she’d hear much more
That swine flu now was all the rage – not too long from our shore.
The national plans were then rolled out – even Bishops were involved
Good health care teams and scientists all helped to have it solved.
No stone was left un-x-rayed and surveillance was maintained
And people’s sensitivity was measured when de-planed.
A hotline was established but it very soon was broke
And crackling then was all it gave to its inquiring folk.
The public mind was set at ease, there sure was nothing more
And New South Wales got uppity, as Victoria topped the score.
Victoria’s reached a thousand and some medics now complain
Even tho’ officially it’s-on ‘modified sustain’.
If children want to miss exams and have a full week off
They simply visit Gellibrand and then begin to cough.
We all will do whate’er we can to try to keep the peace
We’ll quit the smokes and exercise ’gin morbidly obese.
This gentle flu, still not a swine, in countries seventy four
And here it’s still Victoria that easy tops the score.
This illness from the Mexicans is causing a to-do
And now is a pandemic if you credit you-know-WHO.
But guided safely as we are from right the very top
We’re confident that this will pass, it’s likely soon to stop.
So raise a glass – or a long pipette – to our Gellibrander boss
‘Cos even tho it’s not too strong it makes us all la-cross.
And there may well be an upside – tho’ it’s touchy this to broach
For you won’t catch a cold at all just now if your shares are still with Roche.
So let’s consign to history, make part of national lore
The time when, quite unwillingly, Victoria topped the score.
In which it is explained how the arrival of a grandchild and contemplation of dysfunctional garden shears are combining to have me keep the garage tidy.
My first grandchild was born in Melbourne in July. This led to me tidying the ‘garage’ where all the tools and other gardening stuff are kept; my bedroom; the writing desk in the front room; many pot plants; and the family photo albums. It also led to a renaissance of the front garden, and a sudden change in its profile as compared with the back where all the potted flowers are.
It happened this way. The grandson’s mother and father came to Canberra for three weeks as soon as it was permissible to travel from Melbourne. His uncle – another son of mine – also came for that period so as not to miss out on the new class of family engagement now possible. (He suffers from acute FOMO.)
The stage was therefore set for major tasks: what might be called ‘outside infrastructure works’ rather than just the watering of the pot plants, picking up leaves from the prolific laurel, and other light maintenance. One of the boys did some of his real work from home while the other, the grandson’s dad, was on long service leave and therefore able to concentrate fully on these infrastructure tasks when not helping to care for the infant.
A new washing machine was bought and installed. Extra cupboard shelves were designed and built. A tumbler composter found its way into the front garden along with two raised garden beds expertly constructed by the boys. Work continued all the while on the Garden Art.
The strange thing was that, after the Melbourne team had left, I was possessed, quite uncharacteristically, of a drive to tidy up messes with which I had been living for 30 years and more. Most challenging of all were the garage:
Figure 1 The garage, ‘before’
– and the verge on the roadside out the back:
Figure 2 Out the back, ‘before’
However I was not daunted by the size of the challenge, as the ‘after’ pictures below show:
Figure 3 The garage, ‘after’
Figure 4 Out the back, ‘after’
In the course of the immense amount of tidying up done I came across a number of interesting artefacts, including the (now iconic) oil can dating from before the Second World War with the stylish dint in it:
Figure 5 Artefact: oil on canvas
And there were keys – more keys than in a locksmith’s shop – a clockface-full of secateurs, and interesting garden shears.
Figure 6 Keys to saving time
Figure 7 Dysfunctional shears #1
The cunning thing about the design of these shears is that when the blades are brought close enough together to cut anything, the space between the two handles is insufficient to accommodate two hands or fingers. The result is a crushing feeling and cutting of an undesirable kind.
Another pair of shears I re-discovered is ‘Jake’, whose deficiency is more apparent than that of his cunning cousin. When you least expect it Jake can fly off the handle.
Figure 8 Dysfunctional sheers #2 (Jake, who takes you by surprise)
As you can tell the tidying exercise turned up many reminders of times past. In part it was an audit of things kept for 30 years because of the ‘you-never-know-when-something-just-like-this-might-come-in-handy’ syndrome. By which I have been much affected.
The surprising thing is that it happened at all. I now have nuts and bolts in one container and large screws and small screws in two others. And my collared shirts are separated in the wardrobe from my t-shirts.
These things may or may not last. But I will always be a grandpa.
Figure 9 Sarah and Fergus
Figure 10 Bæth time Note: æ is the phonetic symbol for a short ‘a’. Sarah is from north of the line across England that separates those who bæth from those who bɑ:th.
It seems an odd place for a favourite coffee shop. It’s on
the edge of a small shopping centre dominated by the branch of a major retail
grocery store and the new office block or car park being built next to it.
There is a small square, 20 paces by 20 paces, and the coffee shop backs onto a
veterinary surgeon’s premises.
The coffee shop itself is somewhere between unpretentious,
untidy and trendy. The coffee seems good – but I’m no expert. It’s on a busy
road, with the bus stop within spitting distance and a church on the other side
of the road. “Refugees are welcome here.”
It’s just a reasonable bike ride from home, requiring sufficient effort to feel deserving about a coffee once there. I bonded further with place when I took part in a working bee to plant some seedlings and bulbs – part of the floral bounty distributed this year to suburbs in all directions under the banner of Canberra’s Floriade which was abandoned in its usual form months ago due to COVID.
The de facto manager of the working bee encouraged me to claim one of the half-whiskey barrels as my own – in the sense that I could plant it out. I check on ‘my’ barrel occasionally and compare it with the six or seven others. I must have planted my tulip bulbs a little deeper than some of the other volunteers because mine are slow to appear.
‘My’ planter.
I FaceTimed Pella in Sydney and gave her a tour of the various planters. Most of them are coming on well but one of them looks very sad indeed. I can’t help wondering what happened. Was the fertiliser forgotten? Did the people on the watering roster forget it? Did a volunteer under-perform?
Another lunchtime in the early spring sunshine. The wind is
from the south, cold but subdued. There is so much traffic I can’t hear myself
shiver. A bus pulls up and to my surprise there are a few people aboard. I suck on my takeaway cup, trying not to feel
guilty that it’s single use.
I try Pella for a catch-up but there’s no answer.
A single leaf is blown towards me across the red brick pavement. The wind stops and the leaf assumes the attitude of a swan on dry land – the arch of the neck perfectly framed and proportioned. Another blast of cold and the leaf roles over twice, only to reassume the swan’s neck position as if to give me a second chance. Three of four times it moves, until, convinced, I pick it up. It’s as dry as a crisp and it seems certain that it must break. Nevertheless I push it gently into the pocket of my high-viz cycling coat.
Having completed the shopping for home, as much as I can accommodate in my pockets, I head off. The swan is almost certainly being crushed by a plastic sleeve of dill on its way to our kitchen.
She proves surprisingly resilient. I reunite her with the water needed to complete the illusion, in a white cereal bowl.
Here she is for you to see again.
And here are her sisters waiting for their chance. It’s a competitive business this ballet of Nature.
Being on Facebook is like being away alone at a favourite
holiday spot.
You’re very familiar and comfortable with the place; many of
the other guests are people you Like. You have at least a passing familiarity
with all of them. And just a few of those knocking about are by now close
acquaintances with whom you’ve been sharing nodded greetings for years. And
with some of that smaller number you’ve had a drink at the bar or a ramble on
the mountain. Just now and then there are new people around who presumably have
just discovered the well-kept secret that is your preferred bolthole. You nod a
hello.
It’s a place one can still get to, despite the pandemic. No
travel restrictions, no borders.
But if you go there alone, part of ‘Who You Are’ will be unknown to those of your family and friends who don’t go there. The more time you spend abroad in that friendly country, the more of you will be hidden from their comprehension.
Where one’s immediate family is concerned, if they aren’t on Facebook spending time there yourself may seem like a betrayal: one is choosing to be away from them. They will have no idea of the existence of You Abroad nor know the purpose or outcomes of your time spent there. Perhaps they are entitled to ask: “Who did you see? What did you think? What did you do?”
The force of this fanciful syndrome was brought home to me just recently. Alpha, who is risk averse, called me out for having divulged her Facebook and email addresses to the public by posting them on Facebook. This is a person who, advised by a close friend who works in cyber security, shreds separately any printed material that shows our address; and who, despite very little scientific evidence about the value of it, wipes down with a detergent solution everything that enters her kitchen. (Should you be invited to dinner, please be aware that you might be met at the door with an abundance of caution – a phrase for the times.)
Anyway, I could not for the life of me recall having transgressed in this fashion. So, like a self-obsessed archaeologist, I set about hunting through past postings on Facebook to see when and why I had committed this wrong.
It was quite frankly fascinating to skim what I have posted since I started on 1 July 2016. The first post was a long piece (hah! the pattern was set!!) about rural health in the Federal Election. [The five ‘Likes’ of that first post were from friends who are still spending time in our secret place today. You know who you are: Rachel, Viv, Anne, Denny and Steve. And thanks for the company.]
(That’s me down there – in white – at the top of Red Hill. The restaurant top left on nearer horizon.)
With the digging down I found reminders of a few special
occasions and of many ordinary ones. There were everyday walks, cycle rides, and
pottering in the back garden in all weathers but enjoying in particular the
colours and the rude, unbridled energy of the four past Springs. I was
impressed, not by any quality of the works or by insights they provide to my way
of the world, but just by the evidence of how much time and energy I must have
put into this Facebook anthology. I’ve been away from home a lot.
People in your network who don’t follow you will have an
incomplete impression of who and what you are.
This includes members of your immediate family. There are seven
in mine. One of them eschews interaction with Facebook entirely and always has
done. Three are occasional users. One uses the platform but not for reading
anything posted by family members. And two are avid, interested and Friendly.
So just imagine the varied volumes of evidence they must have about my meanderings! When they all gather to farewell me after the Last Post, they will have different levels of comprehension of me. Some of them should recall the brief moment when the question “How Green was Trevally?” gave the sort of insider pleasure in which one’s personal family should all share. They will have a more detailed view of walks on Red Hill and celebrations of the shortest day.
Fishy business to enjoy one’s own jokes –
Perhaps that final farewell should be in two parallel parts: one for those whose knowledge and understanding of who I was includes information and clues from my time Abroad; the other for those who knew me only from the personal interaction we had. Or those in attendance could be divided in two, as at a wedding: “Facebook friends this side madam; Busy People and technophobes to the right”.
So what did I discover about the publication of my wife’s
email address? I had to trawl back to 26 January 2018 to find the offending
article. It celebrated the news that Alpha had been awarded an OAM for services to music in the ACT. The post
received 79 comments. It has now been edited to omit Alpha’s email and Facebook
contacts.
Not long after I had finished this archaeological dig, I
received an unsolicited offer to produce (for “a very reasonable
price”) a hardcopy book in full colour of selected bits of my Facebook
posting history. Perhaps it was coincidence or, more likely, a flag goes up when
someone reaches back into their postings and some entity spies a commercial
opportunity. I didn’t mind – in fact I bought one of those books a few months
ago. It now sits on what used to be called the coffee table in the front room.
It lies there like some secret repository of time spent guiltily overseas, away
from the nest.
Perhaps I should stay home, locked up in my native country. But being abroad and alone frees the imagination, widens the view, and outreaches the horizons.
